From that moment on we began talking about how we would raise our child. What parenting strategy would we use? I love order and hate chaos...so I knew that I wanted to have some order to my days if at all possible. We talked about bed times, feedings, where baby would sleep, good habits to maintain bad habits to avoid....etc. I was set in my mind how this baby "would" be. Well over the months of pregnancy I became so convinced that if I followed "parenting resources" I would have a happy sleeping baby. Fast forward a few months to June and our lives forever changed when our little blessing was born! Dawson Job Little stole my heart at 11:13 p.m. on June 3, 2013!
From the moment he entered our world I knew my game plan. We got home and the first week was very relaxed feeding every two hours and sleeping whenever little man decided it was nap time. Week two we started our game plan. Our goal was to get him into a routine of eat, play, sleep in order to straighten out his days and nights. At night we would only feed him once he woke up. This still usually happened around every 2-4 hours at that time. Our goal was to "teach" him to sleep through the night early on by repeating this routine daily. Well little did we know our sweet boy would suffer reflux, and milk protein allergy. Once week three hit all of his symptoms exploded! Arching back for feedings....screaming all day...waking out of nowhere in tummy pain. It was pitiful and I did not know what to do! I had told myself I wouldn't let Dawson get used to sleeping on mommy and wanted him in a bassinet or crib when sleeping at night. I started out opposed to letting him sleep on me, but once I knew my baby was in pain and could only be comforted sleeping on mommy I gave in. Due to the way I had "planned" everything I started to get frustrated thinking that I would have a baby sleeping on my chest every night in a recliner. Once we got his problems straightened out I started putting him back to bed in his room. It was so tiring the frequent waking...the small naps...all I could think was ...What am I doing wrong? Isn't he supposed to find a pattern? Once Dawson reached a certain aged I was determined to have him sleeping without waking every few hours. Each night that it did not happen I would wake in frustration wondering why my "plan" wasn't working. I began going to bed at night dreading what was to come. When would he cry out? When will I ever get to sleep at night? Then the next day would be filled with please nap so I can do some housework...etc. (Looking back ...babies know if you are frustrated!) One day in tears I began thinking....why am I so frustrated? Didn't I know babies wake up at night. Well yes, I did...but I had gotten a "magic number" stuck in my head of when he should start sleeping through the night. The more I thought through things the more I became down right convicted....not just upset...CONVICTED! I thought all the way back to Adam and Eve....I thought back to my grandmother....I thought back to my mom....when all of the sudden did a mom need to "plan" so much....when did all babies become so alike that a number could be put on when they would sleep through the night??? I started to think of how much of a unique creation my Dawson is from God. I started to cry thinking of the nights I wasted worrying about him sleeping instead of holding him and cherishing that time with him in my arms. Do I have a routine daily...of course....do I have nap times and play times...of course, but if they don't lead to my baby sleeping through the night does that mean I failed? Well, at first I started to feel that way....but the more I genuinely thought about it the more I realized that...NO...I haven't failed....I have become more aware of my little boy and his personality and needs. I have learned that he is so unique and he is an individual. I have learned that this is the most precious gift I could have ever been given and to ignore that for an extra hour or two of sleep is down right selfish of me! I love having a routine during the daytime and some nights it really helps and Dawson truly knows when it is bedtime. We have been blessed with such an animated spirited baby. I love his giggles, his smiles and his silly faces he makes. He is growing so quickly and I want to cherish every moment of being his mom! I am so blessed to even be a mom and I don't want to let a few missed naps and nightwakings make me forget how wonderful it is to be Dawson's mom. I am at peace with the fact that it could be much longer than I had anticipated for me to get back to sleeping in a normal 7-8 hour routine....I am ok with not getting all of my housework done or going "out on the town". For this short precious time my job is to be Brent's wife and Dawson's mom. For those working moms...WOW...I do not know how you do it! As far as being a stay at home mom...I couldn't love it more! Yes...some days I wish it were easier to get things done or go out and about, but I look at the big picture and see how fast this time is flying by and realize its only for a short time. I don't want to miss one moment of my babies life! So from here on out I choose to go with the flow and love my baby for who HE is and not what I had "planned" on him doing.
Love my baby boy!
Lastly I wanted to leave a video that really touched my heart lately. Sleeping and schedules are so small compared to many peoples problems. I recently was reading a blog of a girl who goes to Summit Church in Durham who gave birth to a stillborn daughter this past spring. WOW...I thought how can I get so frustrated when God allowed me to give birth and keep my baby here with me on earth! There are so many people out there who only wish to be awake at night with their baby and going through the ups and downs of parenting. I am so thankful that I get the chance to do this!
Grab a box of tissues!
No comments:
Post a Comment